


Illusion of Happiness

by Kuuttituutti



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Homesickness, Illusions, M/M, Merle an Dav are in a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 16:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13170636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuuttituutti/pseuds/Kuuttituutti
Summary: Davenport has not felt homesick for many years. But suddenly all the memories of his old home rush back. As he tries to ease his pain, he ends up trying the limits of his illusions. And it hurts.





	Illusion of Happiness

It was weird. Davenport had not felt like this after the two first cycles during the Starblaster’s voyage. His stomach hurt and he felt like crying. He hugged his pillow tightly. He missed home. He missed his house, his family and friends. The street were he had grown up, his lab in the IPRE headquarters. He missed his co-workers and his employees. He missed his life before the journey.  
He had not really thought about his home in a long time. There were much more important things in his mind now, like the Hunger, and how to stop it. And in every new world there was so much new things to discover, he simply had not had the time to think about home. But now, all those memories rushed back and it hurt, a lot. So much that he didn’t have the power to stop the tears that flowed from his eyes. He wept softly and just tried to fall asleep again. He wanted nothing more than to just fell asleep and the pain to go away. But sleep would not come. The tears would stop and his mind would not let himself to fall asleep again. Frustrated, he sat up, and leaned his head to his hand. From the small window in his room, he could see faint light. This planet’s sun was starting to rise. He decided that he could just as well just take a walk, maybe that would calm his mind.  
He quickly put on his boots and his red jacket. He took a deep breath and tried to dry his eyes, sometimes Taako and Lup would stay up late, and he didn’t really want anyone to see him like this. He was their captain, for crying out loud. But the whole ship was silent. He could on hear Merle’s faint snoring in the room next to his. He really needed some fresh air. But first he needed something to drink.  
With a wine bottle in his hand, he started to walk around the ship. This cycle they have landed on this weird, but calm planet. The whole planet was pretty much just desert. Some bushes with weird berries grew here and there, and the twins had made some awesome dishes of them. In the middle of this desert there was a small lake that made sure that they would survive their year here. They had already found the light of creation, and much of the planet had already been studied. So that had left a lot of time to just talk and have fun. And feel terribly homesick in Davenport’s case. 

He walked a while, just trying to calm down. After walking far enough from the ship that other couldn’t surely see him, he sat down and took a big gulp of his wine. His nerves were starting to calm down, and he didn’t feel like throwing up anymore. He just breathed trying to clear his head. But instead of getting rid of old ideas of trying to fly the ship back home were replaced by a new, much more possible thought.  
”It is worth a try” Davenport whispered to himself as he planted the wine bottle to the soft sand and stood up. This time, instead of trying to think something else, he concentrated on those thoughts of home. He closed his eyes and just concentrated. His head hurt, but he didn’t care. Davenport wanted to see his home again, no matter what it took.  
Davenport opened his eyes. His tear filled eyes glimmered of joy when he saw his old room around him. Everything was just were it was supposed to be. His childhood books of interstellar travelers were still stacked on top of his study books on the table and a small unkillable cactus was still growing on his nightstand. The rooms walls were filled with starmaps, posters of planets and fun articles of astrology he had collected when he was young. Davenport almost didn’t dare to breath. He looked at every little detail. Everything was just like he remembered. Exactly like he remembered it. He was so happy that for a moment, he forgot that this was all just his own illusion.  
He walked out of his room. He was now in his family’s kitchen. His nephews highchair was seated around the wooden table. Empty cups and plates filled the table. On the stove there were trays of all kinds of treats. On the small kitchen’s wall there was poster.  
” For Davenport. Reach for the stars” Davenport read with his voice cracking down. This was the party his mother had organized before he had left. His whole family had been there and they had all been just so proud of him. He had laughed that he would come back soon. He had promised to name a star after his nephew. So many promises he had forgotten about. As Davenport fell to the ground, holding his head, he could feel the illusion starting to crack around him. He quickly stood up and concentrated again. His head felt like splitting in to two parts, but he didn’t mind it. He continued creating the illusion around him as he ran outside of his home.  
The street was illuminated with bright lights, like it always was during this time of the season. Davenport just looked around him, just crying of joy. He saw his town again. After many years of travelling he could see the street he grew up on, the fountain in middle of the street and the hole in the street that had been there since he was young, and nobody just had not bothered to fill it. When he tried his hardest, he could see some shadowy figures running past him, playing tag or just standing in their doorways. 

Davenport threw up. His body was now shaking and his vision was blurry. He screamed and fell to the ground again. Everything hurt so bad, but he didn’t want to let go. He was finally home, and if he just tried hard enough, he could maybe stay there just for a while. But he had never created a illusion this big. There was a limit to his magic, and he was reaching it. But he didn’t want to. He stood up trembling, still trying to keep it together. The buildings around him started to fall apart, no matter how hard he tried.  
”No, no, no!” Davenport screamed again. Shadowy figures started to fade away. But in the middle of the street there was someone. For some reason they had not faded away like the others had started to. Through his tears he could recognize Merle rushing to him. Davenport smiled. He knew that as soon as he would let go of his fantasy, he would be gone too. 

”Dav, what’s going on?” Merle asked as he approached and looked around confused.  
”What is this? Is this…” Merle didn’t have a chance to ask his question as Davenport fell to his arms, trembling and crying. The dwarf held his captain as he screamed of pain again. The buildings around them started to crash down. Davenport knew that it was all an illusion, but Merle didn’t. So he grabbed Davenport and started to sprint away. Davenport could only watch the destruction of his town, once again.  
” I just wanted to see my home again” Davenport whispered. 

” How are you feeling?” Merle asked conserned. Davenport just stared at his winglass with an empty look in his eyes. Merle had carried him back to the ship and sat him down on the sofa that was in their kitchen.  
” Merle, do you miss home?” he whimpered as an answer. Merle looked at his captain a bit suprised.  
”Sometimes, yeah. Like it’s hard not to. I bet everyone in this ship misses home. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed if you feel homesick” he said as he sat down next to Davenport, giving him a soft hug.  
” My whole life, I have dreamed of this voyage. All I’ve done has been for this. But I didn’t want it like this. I wanted that I could still see my family. I want to go back” Davenport cried. Merle held him tightly.  
”I’m sorry Dav, but I don’t think that’s possible” he could now feel himself crying too. A small tear rolled of the corner of his eye. Davenport however, was just straight up weeping. Merle knew how proud he could be, so he knew that something was truly wrong. But it was okay. Everyone needs to cry sometimes.  
”But Davenport, you know what?” Merle said. The morning sun was now shining through the big window in their kitchen, lighting up the whole room. Davenport sniffed.  
”What?” his voice was still quiet and hoarse and his eyes were red, but he seemed to have calmed down a bit.  
”We can always make new memories. Memories that make us happy and memories that we can look back on and smile. It’s good to remember the past, but like, there is always tomorrow” Merle smiled and wiped a tear from Davenport’s face.  
”And you know where those happy memories can never be wiped from” he continued.  
”Where?” Davenport asked with a small smile on his face as he wiped his face on the sleeve of his red jacket.  
”Here” Merle said as kissed Davenport gently on the forehead. The gnome blushed and laughed and kissed Merle back on the lips. Both laughed. Davenport was still crying, but now the tears of pain had been replaced by happy tears  
”Could this one of those happy memories Captain? ” Merle asked blushing as he hugged his dear Davenport.  
”You know, I think it could be ” Davenport answered giving one more kiss to Merle.


End file.
